Hilmi K. came for treatment for azoospermia. Since he was an old friend of Mr Arif, our patient was referred to me with the advice of Mr Arif.
Our treatment started to be a normal way out. We especially used phytotherapy in this patient, in which I got results in about 1.5 years. I asked the family for some time to increase the number even more. However, his wife showed impatience to get results as soon as possible. Although I told them that the chances would increase more when we increase the quality, I got the opposite reaction. She asked me to help us financially for in vitro fertilisation. In this regard, the price I received from the hospital I met for in vitro fertilisation was a very good price. The figure was reduced by exactly half. But when he met with a private hospital on the opposite side and said that he would have it done at a price more than twice as high, I was frankly very offended because they were in a hurry and did not listen to the word, and I made a slightly harsh exit by expressing that I would not take responsibility for a negative result.
My ego was telling me that they should thank and obey their doctors who had achieved this success, and was trying to satisfy me that I had not said anything wrong about them deserving such a harsh response. The voice of my conscience, on the other hand, seemed to be telling me that I had overstepped my bounds and that attributing the success to myself was an unbecoming behaviour that would lead to the loss of the blessing of treatment.
As soon as I sent him away, Mehmet T, a police officer, who came in the same way and also as a TESE and whose treatment lasted for a year and whose natural sperm output was largely achieved by phytotherapy, came in. I told him about the polemic I had just had with this patient and expressed my resentment for this disloyalty, perhaps in a sense by backbiting him behind his back. After he supported me that I was right and that I had done the right thing, he went for IVF with the words that he would go to the hospital I recommended and that he would follow exactly what I said.
The result?
The first one of our friends was successful. Our second friend did not.
After these results coming one after the other at the same time, the voice of my conscience woke me up at that moment. I came to my senses and first congratulated Mr. Hilmi and apologised to him. He was surprised. Even though he said, “We love you, we are happy with you”, I immediately thought of Mehmet. When Mehmet came for a check-up, I told him that I had a share in this failure, but he could not grasp it. Although the sperms were thanks to you and even better than the other one etc., I said that I feel like a spiritual warning to me and I am not comfortable. I even offered financial support. But he was very surprised and refused to accept it and interpreted the failure as his wife being lifted from her bed very early after the embryo transfer. One way or another, since I felt that the reason was a bit of a spiritual warning, I also made his heart in a sense by ensuring that the discount rate given for the first friend was made to this friend because the first friend did not use it. This time, the second IVF trial we did right after this time was held alhamdülillah.
I told this exemplary event I experienced to my other friends during a lecture-like conversation. With the comments of my esteemed teacher Ziya Eryılmaz, they said that if the student of the school of wisdom does not close the curtain of the ego and brags subject to his whim, Allah warns His servant with such warnings. The important thing is to listen to that voice. But the test continues. We are progressing by stumbling. It is stated in the Hadith-i Sharif as follows:
Whoever is humble, Allah will exalt him. And whoever is unnecessarily arrogant, that is, boastful, Allah will humiliate him. May my Lord grant openness of heart. More than the meaning that comes from our mould to our heart, may He strip it from our heart; may He not give a place to anyone other than Himself in that heart.
Because the heart is the nazargah-ı ilahi. In other words, it is said that Allah looks into the heart of the believer. Our Lord says that I did not fit in the earth, but I fit in the heart of the believer’s servant who is a full believer. In other words, in a sense, He says that I will be marifat with him, I will be known with that heart. May my Lord grant us all to look with the light of marifat. We pray that He will not leave us alone with our ego even for a moment, but the servant will endeavour and the help of my Lord will come Inshallah. May my Lord not make any of us despair of His infinite mercy. Because His grace and punishment are both pleasant. What we see evil may be good; what we see good may be evil. He knows the truth and the best.
